The past three weeks have been tough. So many things were happening all at the same time: Moving
house, furnishing shopping, serving at THWRC, time with loved ones,
catching up with friends, began counseling sessions at church, trying
to finish 3x freelance web design jobs, time alone with God, quality
time alone with wife, time alone with myself – to play, to dream, to
read, to plan.

But
strangely I am experiencing tremendous breakthroughs. No longer feel
like I am dragging a ton of garbage on this uphill climb. I feel light
footed, ‘on top’ of it all, like I just installed new RAM, or upgraded
my processor.

I shared with my counsellors that I am so afraid
that this might not last. I am very tempted to play
skeptic/nonchalant, so I wont be caught surprised when things go back
to ‘normal’.

But
it has been 3 weeks. I am having doubts abt
my unbeliefs. I am beginning to feel like this could last. I treasure
this state of being. I can love, I can receive love, I laugh
louder, am more interested, free from guilt, paranoia, self pity,
am clearer/confident about my giftings and limitations. Comfortable.  Yet I can’t
really put my finger on exactly what is happening or how this all works. Mysterious mechanics.

One
thing I know for sure, He is constantly at work in & through me. He who began a good work in me WILL see it to completion.
He IS my
ONLY source of significance, comfort and encouragement. My
identity REST firmly in the fact that I am His beloved child, deeply
cherished, treasured, precious and priceless. I WILL trust in YOU.
Deep gratitude.

“God’s character never changes. But His actions does, according to how we respond to Him.” 
                                                
        Benny Ho in “Book Of Jonah – God So Great”

Then
Jesus said, “God’s kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who
then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows–he
has no idea how it happens. The earth does it all without his help:
first a green stem of grass, then a bud, then the ripened grain. When
the grain is fully formed, he reaps–harvest time!
                                                                                               Gospel of Mark 4:26-28

Some Links: 1 | 2 | 3 |

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 19th, 2005 at 1:12 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.