It’s been a while since i blogged about just me. I don’t even have a category called just me. I had to add that in. Since i have some time tonight to just reflect, I thought it’ll be good to pen some thoughts.

I’ve been quite busy the past few weeks working on the next issue on Seasons of Life, which explains my infrequent entries. It’s a lot of hard work – brainstorming and coordinating, writing, planning – the works. But I really enjoy it. It’s stressful at times but I quite enjoy learning about publishing. It’s also great that we work as a team and we share the responsibilties and ideas. In my old job, I used to be a lone marketing person most of the time. The burden was too much to bear. I had 2 assistants but I would rather have had one superior and one assistant. I think I would have learnt much more starting out. It’s also great coz I get to read more magazines for research. Hiak hiak. How nice it is when you do something that you like as a job. This is not a real job but it’s starting to feel like it coz of the intensity! (p/s nyet, am not complaining here ah, i love it k? )

I’ve also started to have some "me" time with my new pilates class. Ya! Ali finally kicked my butt into the pilates class. She’s been a great friend to have. She kicks my butt into brisk walking, shopping and bargain hunting. I’m terrible at anything that requires too much effort. Pilates – I’ve been wanting to do this for the longest time. Need to get the tummy in shape before No2 lah. We have the same Janice instructor from the last time. She’s SUPER FUNNY. Auntie funny. Super Auntie funny. We’re in a class of aunties. I think most are homemakers from the neighbourhood. But………. boy, can they stretch n roll! I am so out of shape. My class was on Friday and I’m still aching today.

Our Monday Mums group is moving to church. That also requires a bit of planning and coordination. We’re opening it up to stay home mums from church and possibly the neighbourhood. That’s a lot to pray about too. We’re all already so full with other ministries and our babes, not sure where we’re going to find space in our hearts for others. But……………………………………. here’s where the faith part needs to come in.

Which leads me back to this point. I really, of all things, need to spend a lot more time in my prayer closet. Since I’ve had Sophie, I’ve been so lacking in this area. We’re planning to go back to Steve’s cell and that too requires prayer and commitment.

Funny thing, having done all these things, still all my heart longs for is to be alone with the Father. I think Jesus must have felt the same way. He served with all his heart, busy and all but He longed to be with the Father. I think one must long for something so much that one wakes up early in the morning (It can’t be a routine, who routinely wakes up early in the morning by choice! hardly!) I think it’s a desire that everyone feels once all the activity dies down and we sit down to hear our hearts. It’s so easy to mistake the feeling as loneliness or emptiness but I really think that it’s a feeling that my Father puts in me to remind me that I miss Him. A longing.

It’s really so easy to fall into a routine of going to church every Sunday. Since we (or I) have stepped down from full time ministry, we’re quite out of touch with everything’s that’s happening in church. No more leaders meetings, retreats, meetings and more meetings. I’ve been asking myself the question a lot the past year – why did I do the things I do? Would I have done them if given the choice. Given the choice, what actitivies/ministries would I serve in?

BUT…. choice? Why am I even talking about choice? A willing servant serves, he/she doesn’t ask for a choice! Maybe I’m not quite a servant yet. Maybe that’s where I am. Back to the drawing board. Servant training level 2 – "Motherhood", the best servanthood training ever. Talk about dying to self. What self? Even my body is not my own anymore! Hahaha… But ya, it’s been a year and there are times when I still complain but am learning and growing, I think. Bit by bit. Maybe that’s why God made babies so cute, makes it a lot easier!

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 2nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm and is filed under Just me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.